name MY name

My name, like most other things in my life, holds no meaning to me. It's not an impartiality rooted in contention or spite, but rather an impartiality rooted in apathy. My first name is Alexander: this means nothing to me. My second name is Gordh: this means nothing to me. The closest thing I have to a nickname is "Alex". I choose to see this as a name that people use out of laziness, preferring not to expend the extra energy that goes into pronouncing the remaining 5 letters in my name. If anything, I prefer Alex more because it disguises sloth (a trait I view as noble) under the pretext of streamlining and speech efficiency. I do not get a strong sense of definition out of my name, except as a form of identification to others. My name is just my name. 

A time where I am an individual in conflict with a part of a group comes when I go to work. As an individual, I am foul mouthed and socially awkward. When I am in a group at work, I am just socially awkward. I like to feel that when I am at work, I am generally polite, and I try to be helpful. This means that I have to suppress my foul mouthed urges, and contentious outbursts when dealing with customers. They're not really bad people, I'm just a shitty individual. This creates internal conflict for me because as an individual I feel that I am selling out my normal characteristics in order to appease others. On the opposing side of this, when I am part of a group, I feel that my behavior as an individual on my own is reprehensible and needs correction. 

No man is an Iland, intire of itselfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine